I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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