Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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