somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
