last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
