You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
