am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
