Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
