a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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