Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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