Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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