oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish you could order shots online.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
