Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
