Christians are straight up FREAKS
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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