some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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