I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
