I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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