Can Purell be used as lube?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I love having hate sex.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
