Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
