There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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