After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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