no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
