Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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