If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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