do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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