I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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