dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
