if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
