How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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