so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
