You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
