i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
