I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
