You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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