he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
