Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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