I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
