He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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