Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
