the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
