The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
