so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
