FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
