I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
