people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
