she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
