tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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