alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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