I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
