So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
