So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
