Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
