I am puke
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
