I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
