I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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