I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
